I’m hungry, but have no appetite. Every time I look at food, I have no desire to eat. I don’t know what’s wrong. What’s happening goes directly against basic survival instincts. Is my body shutting down? Does it want me to die?
For a while, I wasn’t eating because we didn’t have anything. With my diet restrictions, there isn’t a lot I can put in my body without severe pain and other consequences, and I think that might be the cause of my trouble now. I’m tired of eating the same food, exhausted of it. But I don’t have any other options.
I know it’s a problem, because I almost passed out at work yesterday, and right now I can feel my stomach in pain. At this point my throat burns, which means the acid is drifting up because it has nothing else to consume. I ate some crackers a little while ago, and that has helped a little, but I need to find something more.
Sigh… I need to eat. I have to live.
I’m going to the store now, to buy ‘safe’ foods. And I’ll force myself to swallow even though I don’t want to. I’ll shut off my thoughts, and it will be tasteless to me. But it’s what I must to do survive.