Sigh… it’s been so long. Only a week, but already much has changed.
It started when I stopped talking to everyone. But after about a week someone checked in on me. That gave me enough reassurance that I can’t disappear without at least one person noticing. That’s a bittersweet feeling. While it’s comforting that people care, I don’t know if I deserve it. I feel guilty for them caring for me.
Well, in order to do better and treat people with the respect they deserve, I let both this person that reached out to me and Karkat know that I am alive. Karkat was relieved, which made me feel worse, cause he said he was worried to the point of not sleeping. He already has trouble sleeping, I don’t need to be adding to that.
After a good two-hour phone call with him, giving him an update, and hearing how things had been going, we started talking about Sev. Karkat informed me that Sev’s brain tumor was indeed cancerous; a fear we all had. On a side note, he also updated me on his current relationship with Sev, which isn’t going well. They are talking, and that’s about it.
I was honest, and relayed that if I looked at things from a distance, it was an a toxic relationship. Something I wouldn’t want him to be in. As to ‘Why?’, I can’t say here as that’s too personal, even with the using false names. Anyways, separating myself from the situation and focusing on what was best for him, I advised he get out.
And I haven’t changed my mind. For Karkat, that is the best option, and probably the one that will keep him alive. Cause as long as he is with Sev, it’s a losing battle. And I want my brother to live. And to live happy.
Sev is my friend. Despite what went on, and the silence between us, he is my friend.