“Words may be strong. But silence is what breaks the heart.” – Unknown
When you are close with both people in a relationship, it’s hard to pick a side in an argument. But most of the time, that’s exactly what they ask of you.
I can’t. Not only that, but if I even talk to one while they are in a bad place, I’m immediately blamed by the other.
The people I am referring to now, are Karkat and Sev.
I met Sev because of my brother, because Sev was interested in him and Karkat wanted him and I to get along. We didn’t start off on great terms, mostly ‘cause I threatened to hurt him if he hurt Karkat. But after some serious circumstances, he and I bonded.
Then it was the three of us. It felt awkward for me, ‘cause they were obviously in love. Yet, they always included me in everything they did, be it late night phone calls or planning-out their dates. It was the strangest situation ever.
Until they had their first major fight.
By that time though, Sev and I were very good friends. So even though I had known Karkat longer, and called him family, I chose no side.
Eventually, it passed. They were back together, and doing well. Life was good once again, until once again something happened. This second time, I realized this would be a recurring thing if they stayed together, but I kept my silence. After the fourth or fifth time though (I don’t even remember how often this went on), when both asked me in their own time what I thought, I said it would be better if they weren’t in a relationship.
That advice seemed to be accepted by both parties. My logic was flawless, and they knew it. But then passion took control once again. Fuck logic; they were in love, and they were gonna make it work.
I have accepted it. They’re always gonna fight, cry it out, and make-up. But what I can’t deal with, is my involvement.
So much has been going on. I can’t even begin. But that’s why my posts have been random, and not exactly blogs recently. The last two were things that simply came to mind in the moment, that I quickly wrote down and later posted. Pieces of work, instead of a life update like I had originally planned. (Not that it’s a problem, as I do like others to see my work.)
Anyways. This last problem that showed up, is pretty small. Sev has a bad habit of appearing flirtatious. Although, in reality, he is just being friendly, and there is no wrong in it. I myself do the same. But Sev’s habit has actually caused some trouble one other time before, and it was simply the recurring of it that caused the this more recent problem.
I had seen it, but didn’t address the matter. Why should I? It wasn’t my fault, and I had enough to deal with on my own without getting involved in other people’s affairs. But apparently, I am in the wrong.
Karkat text me the in the middle of the night. After talking about it a little bit, he said:
“I’m sorry you had a lot to deal with but this isn’t something you just forget about. You are supposed to support me, or at least SAY something. You used to tell me you would go after him if he made me cry or did shit like this. Why do I never see evidence of that?”
What I wanted to say was: “Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I do so much for you, that you don’t know about.” But all I really said was, “Sorry.”
He continued on for a bit, reinforcing his point, but I didn’t respond. Why would he listen? I know he has trouble seeing things any other way than his own. That’s why those two fight in the first place. There was no point in standing up for myself when all it was going to cause was trouble between us, like last time.
Last time, I didn’t care. I replied exactly what I was thinking, and that caused some very severe conflict between us. He weren’t on speaking terms for a while. And even after he and Sev were good again, Karkat refused to talk to me. This went on for a week, before he finally got over it.
So that’s why this time, I just took it.
But when I got a text from Sev today, I lost it.
The text read:
“Mitch, god damnit. I’m not flirting with anyone. Please stop telling him what he wants to hear, even if it makes him upset.”
By this, I know he and Karkat had talked. And in their talk, blame was cast on me, saying I agreed that it appeared Sev was flirting. Which wasn’t the case at all, but that’s just how Karkat perceives things. Like I said before, he has his own perspective, and nothing can change his mind. And by not opposing him; to him, I was in agreement.
I couldn’t take anymore. It wasn’t my fault, and I was just trying to avoid getting involved. But that’s wan’t good enough, was it?
I responded to the text quite infuriated, though I’m not sure the whole emotion was carried through my words. That’s a good thing.
My text read:
“I never said I thought you were flirting, nor implied that with intention. If that is how it was perceived, I have no control over that. But I also didn’t get much into the conversation because I wanted it to end. So before you assume I am actively against you, consider perhaps that maybe I just literally can’t deal with any more drama.
I’m sick of you and Karkat always getting me involved. It’s not my job, and it’s tearing me up. I’m not your guys’ scapegoat.
A few hours later, I text him again. I apologized, because I know what I am going through is not his fault, and he too has so much to deal with. After all, Sev’s just acting out by what he’s been told, and he didn’t know the details.
It’s been a long time since my last text. He hasn’t replied.
“What have I done?”